Self-compassion template when struggling with depression

An organized self-compassion routine can be useful for people with depression because it helps counteract:

  • Self-criticism.
  • Shame.
  • Hopelessness.

Meta-analyses have shown that higher self-compassion is associated with reduced depressive symptoms.

Being someone who is extremely self-critical and perfectionistic, I needed to learn how to be merciful to myself, since things were never good enough for me, no matter how hard I tried.

Here’s a practical template you can use as is or adapt to your needs.

Self-compassion routine for depression

  1. Grounding and awareness (2–3 minutes)
    A woman sitting in a yoga pose while putting both of her hands on her belly to control her breathing.
    • Sit comfortably and take 3 slow breaths.
    • Place one hand on your chest or stomach.
    • Notice how you’re feeling without judgment: “I’m aware that I feel low/tired/sad right now.”

This step develops mindfulness, the first element of self-compassion.

I saw that deep breathing also helped me to calm down by engaging my parasympathetic nervous system.

  1. Common humanity reminder (2–3 minutes)
    • Silently repeat:
      • “Struggling is part of being human.”
      • “I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

Depression often creates a sense of isolation, but reminding ourselves that suffering is universal helps soften self-blame.

  1. Kind self-talk (3–5 minutes)
    A woman looking at a blackboard that says "believe in yourself".

Write or say compassionate phrases to yourself, like how you’d comfort a friend:

    • “I’m doing the best I can right now.”
    • “It’s okay to rest. Healing takes time.”
    • “May I be patient with myself today.”

Research illustrates that self-compassion is linked to lower depression severity and better emotion regulation.

It’s one of those things I still struggle with to this day, but I do see that I end up feeling better and more relaxed whenever I’m considerate to myself.

  1. Supportive action (5–10 minutes)

Choose one small act of self-care that supports you physically or emotionally.

For instance:

    • Drinking a glass of water.
    • Taking a short walk/stretch.
    • Listening to calming music.
    • Journaling one kind thought.

Self-compassion isn’t only words; it’s also behaviors that soothe and protect you.

For me, it was going for a short 5-minute walk in nature or lifting some weights at home.

  1. Closing ritual (2 minutes)
    A man is sitting in a yoga pose while putting one hand on his belly.
    • Place your hand on your heart and say: “May I give myself the kindness I need today.”
    • Take one slow, deep breath to seal the practice.

Practical tips for making it work

  1. Start small

Even 5 minutes is enough on tough days. It’s about consistency, not perfection.

  1. Anchor it

Pair the routine with a daily cue, such as drinking morning coffee or going to bed.

  1. Be flexible

Some days you may only manage one step, and that’s okay.

I even ended up missing several days, but I always picked up the pieces and simply continued the next one.

And even though it’s not necessarily ideal, it teaches discipline and flexibility. Life rarely goes exactly like we want or expect it to.

  1. Use reminders

Keep compassionate phrases on sticky notes or on your phone.

✅ Self-compassion checklist for depression
Someone's hand marking both "yes" and "no" on a checklist.

Walk yourself through these gentle steps when you’re feeling low:

  1. Pause and breathe
    • ☐ Take 3 slow breaths.
    • ☐ Put a hand on your chest or stomach.
    • ☐ Notice how you feel without judging it.
  1. Remember common humanity
    • ☐ Say to yourself: “Struggling is part of being human.”
    • ☐ Remind yourself: “I’m not alone in feeling this way.”
  1. Offer kind words
    • ☐ Tell yourself: “I’m doing the best I can.”
    • ☐ Or: “It’s okay to rest.”
    • ☐ Or: “May I be gentle with myself today.”
  1. Choose a small act of care
    An attractive young woman drinking water.
    • ☐ Drink a glass of water.
    • ☐ Stretch or walk for 5 minutes.
    • ☐ Listen to soothing music.
    • ☐ Write down one kind thought.
  1. Close with intention
    • ☐ Place your hand on your heart.
    • ☐ Say: “May I give myself the kindness I need today.”
    • ☐ Take one slow, deep breath.

Even checking off one or two steps is progress.

Self-compassion isn’t about doing it perfectly; it’s about showing up for yourself with kindness.

Conclusion

Incorporating self-compassion into our daily lives offers a powerful tool for managing depression.

By treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend, we can reduce self-criticism, ease emotional suffering, and foster resilience.

I definitely caught that I’m less self-critical, perfectionistic, and overall more positive than I used to be when my mood was at its worst.

While it’s not a replacement for professional treatment, being more self-compassionate can complement therapy and medication by helping us navigate depression with greater patience, acceptance, and hope.

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It would certainly go a long way toward making my dream of creating a thriving, supportive community a reality!

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