How do people living with depression often describe how they’re feeling to others?

Depression can manifest in various ways, both in how people feel internally and how they express (or don’t express) their emotions to others.

When I was going through it, I would describe it as chronic fatigue and sadness that eventually evolved into numbness and apathy.

Let me explain shortly how they typically feel, and how people are inclined to express these feelings:

How they typically feel

• Persistent sadness or emptiness

• • They may feel devastatingly sad, desperate, or numb for long periods.

• Low energy

• • Everyday tasks feel exhausting, even those that they once enjoyed.

• Difficulty concentrating

• • They may struggle to concentrate, remember details, or make decisions.

I had trouble concentrating and was thinking much slower than I used to. It’s like processing information took more time than usual.

• Feeling unimportant or guilty

• • They frequently feel like a burden to others or obsess over perceived failures.

• Irritability or restlessness

• • Depression can sometimes appear as frustration or agitation rather than sadness.

• Physical symptoms
  
  • Pain, headaches, digestive issues, or sleep problems (too much or too little) are common when dealing with a mood disorder.

• Loss of interest

• • Activities that once brought pleasure might feel meaningless or unenjoyable.

• Tremendous anxiety or fear

• • Constant worry about the future.

• • Fear of failure or letting others down.

• • A pervasive sense of dread without a clear cause.

• Emotional numbness or detachment

• • Some people don’t feel sad, but instead describe a sense of emotional flatness or numbness, as if they’re disconnected from their emotions or the world around them.

• • They might feel like they’re just “going through the motions” without truly engaging in life.

• Loneliness, even around others

• • Depression can make one feel isolated, even in the company of friends or family.

• • They may feel like no one truly understands them or that they can’t connect emotionally.

• Hopelessness or despair

• • They frequently feel like things will never improve, and their situation is permanent.

• • This hopelessness can feel paralyzing and make it difficult to seek help or see a way out.

• Feeling overwhelmed

• • Even small decisions or tasks can feel insurmountable.

• • They might avoid responsibilities because they feel emotionally or mentally incapable.

• Misunderstood
  
  • Depressed people regularly feel misunderstood by those around them.

How they often express these feelings

• Verbal expressions

They might say things like:

• • “I feel so tired all the time.”

• • “Nothing matters anymore.”

• • “I can’t seem to get it together.”

• • Some may openly talk about their sadness, while others downplay it or use humor to mask their pain.

• Non-verbal cues

• • Changes in body language, like slouching or avoiding eye contact.

• • A lack of enthusiasm or slower movements.

• • Facial expressions that seem blank or strained.

My walking speed became much slower, and I was slumping a lot more than I usually did.

• Avoidance or withdrawal

• • Isolating themselves from friends, family, or activities.

• • Canceling plans or becoming less communicative.

• Irritability or lashing out

• • Some might express their struggles through irritability, snapping at loved ones, or becoming easily frustrated.

• Changes in behavior
  
  • Overeating or undereating.

• • Increased use of substances like alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism.

• • Difficulty maintaining routines, such as hygiene or work responsibilities.

• Through creative outlets

• • Some channel their emotions into art, music, writing, or other forms of creative expression. Their work may explore themes of sadness, loss, or longing, which can serve as a means to communicate feelings they cannot or don’t know how to express in words.

For example:

• •  A poem or drawing that conveys loneliness or despair.

• Self-deprecating humor

• • People with depression regularly use humor to mask their pain.

• • They could joke about their struggles, feelings of inadequacy, or even their condition.

For instance:

• • Saying, “I guess I’ll just mess this up, as usual,” in a joking manner.

• Physical complaints

• • They might repeatedly bring up physical symptoms that don’t seem to have a clear medical cause.

This can include:

• • Chronic pain, like headaches or back pain.

• • Stomach problems or digestive issues.

• • Constant fatigue or unexplained aches.

• Changes in appearance

• • Some people unconsciously express their feelings through changes in how they take care of themselves or present to the world.

• • • Neglecting personal hygiene, such as skipping showers or wearing the same clothes repeatedly.

• • • Drastic changes in appearance, like cutting or dyeing hair in unusual ways, may reflect an internal struggle.

Although most people probably wouldn’t notice, I had a lot more issues with taking care of my appearance because I didn’t want to shower, groom myself, or keep myself in shape.

• Passive language or subtle hints

• • Instead of directly saying they feel bad, they might make vague or indirect comments, like:

• • • “I’m just tired of everything.”

• • • “I don’t see the point anymore.”

• • • “Things have been really hard lately.”

• • • These are often subtle cries for help or invitations for someone to probe deeper into what’s bothering them.

• Risk-taking behavior

• • Some people express their inner turmoil through impulsive or risky actions, such as:

• • • Reckless spending.

• • • Engaging in unsafe sexual behaviors.

• • • Driving dangerously or taking unnecessary risks.

• Overcompensation

• • On the flip side, some people with depression try to mask their struggles by overcompensating.

They might:

• • • Push themselves to appear overly cheerful or productive.

• • • Take on too many responsibilities to distract themselves from their troubles.

• • • This can lead to burnout and worsen mood over time.

• Social media activity

• • Some people express their emotions online in this digital age.

This can look like:

• • • Posting sad or cryptic messages, song lyrics, or quotes.

• • • Sharing memes or images that reflect their mood.

• • • Suddenly becoming more withdrawn from social platforms or deleting posts.

• Substance use or escapism

• • Some might turn to substances or distractions to numb their feelings, like:

• • • Drinking more alcohol than usual or using drugs.

• • • Excessive gaming, binge-watching TV, or scrolling social media to avoid facing their turbulent emotions.

• Excessive apologies or reassurance-seeking

• • Psychological issues often make people feel like a burden. They may:

• • • Apologize frequently for small things.

• • • Seek constant reassurance that they are loved or valued.

• Existential thoughts

• • Depressed individuals sometimes think deeply about life’s meaning, mortality, or purpose.

• • This can lead to emptiness, questioning why they exist or what the point of life is.

I started thinking a lot about the purpose of life and what would happen to me once I ceased to exist, causing anxiety and existential dread.

• Inner criticism or harsh self-judgment
  
  • They may have a relentless inner dialogue that’s critical or cruel.

• • • Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed” can dominate their mindset.

• Feeling trapped

• • A common sensation is being stuck in their current circumstances or their mind, with no way out.

• • • They may express this as “I just can’t do this anymore” or “I feel like there’s no escape.”

• Intense sensitivity

• • Some people feel heightened emotional sensitivity, reacting strongly to criticism, rejection, or even neutral comments.

• • They might feel easily hurt or misunderstood.

• Feeling detached from reality

• • They may describe a sensation of being disconnected from themselves or the world (a symptom called depersonalization or derealization).

• • It can feel like watching life happen to someone else rather than actively living it.

• Physical heaviness or slowness

• • Feeling physically weighed down, as if their body feels heavy or sluggish.

• • They may find even small movements or tasks draining.

• Feeling invisible or overlooked

• • Some people feel like their presence or contributions don’t matter, leading to pessimistic thoughts like:

• • • “No one notices me” or “I wouldn’t be missed.”

Barriers to expression

• Many people with depression feel ashamed or fear being judged, so they may not always express their feelings directly.

• Instead, they might offer subtle hints or brush off their emotions when asked.

How to encourage open expression

If you suspect someone is depressed, you can create a supportive environment by:

• Asking open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling lately?”

• Listening without interrupting or offering immediate solutions.

• Offering validation, such as “That sounds hard. I’m here for you.”

These small gestures can make it easier for them to share their feelings over time.

Final note

These feelings highlight just how complex and individual depression can be.

Everyone’s experience is different, so it’s important to approach those struggling with a mood disorder with empathy and curiosity rather than assumptions.

Showing compassion, patience, and an open willingness to listen can help them feel less isolated if you happen to notice these patterns in someone.

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