Depression is a mental disorder that can drastically influence relationships in ways that are challenging for both the person experiencing it and their loved ones.
I know that I didn’t want to be around others because I felt so tired and like I was holding them back when I was depressed. On the contrary, my friends and family were often wondering what was going on and why I was isolating myself so frequently from them.
It can affect communication, intimacy, trust, and the overall dynamics between friends and family members.
Here’s how:
- Communication breakdowns
People suffering from mood disorders often feel stunned, potentially causing withdrawal from loved ones.
They may stop answering calls or avoid social gatherings, making others feel ignored or rejected.
Depression can cause misunderstandings by making it hard for individuals to articulate their emotions.
This can result in frustration for both the depressed person and those around them.
Psychological issues may distort thinking and lead to overly pessimistic or self-critical views.
This can manifest as negative talk (“I’m worthless,” “You’re better off without me”), which can be difficult for loved ones to hear.
- Reduced emotional and physical intimacy
Mood disorders typically cause a major loss of interest in things that used to bring joy, including intimacy.
This frequently affects romantic relationships since a partner may feel rejected or unattractive.
Depression could cause emotional blunting, where a person feels detached or indifferent.
Unfortunately, this makes connecting emotionally with loved ones difficult and makes partners or friends feel shut out.
While I felt incredibly sad and negative at first, it gradually shifted into numbness after a while, where I felt like I was just going through the motions without any feelings or thoughts.
Fatigue, low energy, and poor sleep can further reduce a person’s interest in physical closeness and create additional distance between partners.
- Increased conflict and tension
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It can also manifest as irritability, anger, or frustration that leads to frequent arguments or tension within relationships.
When one person in a relationship is going through mental troubles, their partner may not understand the condition and might interpret changes in behavior as a personal rejection, possibly creating resentment and blame on both sides.
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- Uneven burden
Partners or family members might feel like they must “pick up the slack” when their loved one is depressed, which can be exhausting for both parties.
That imbalance can create resentment and stress.
- Co-dependency and caregiver burnout
The non-depressed partner may take on the role of a caregiver in long-term relationships, which can become emotionally and physically draining over time.
This can lead to burnout and sometimes even resentment towards the person they’re trying to help.
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- Dependency and guilt
A person with psychological difficulties might feel guilty for relying so much on their partner or loved ones for support, which can make them feel worthless or ashamed.
On the other hand, the partner might feel guilty if they ever take time for themselves or decide to set boundaries.
- Social isolation
A mood disorder can lead to social withdrawal by making socializing feel like a monumental task.
As a result, both the person with depression and their partner may become isolated from friends and family.
A person struggling mentally might avoid reaching out to friends or family because they don’t want to feel like a burden, leaving them feeling even more alone and unsupported.
I didn’t want to see anyone because I felt bad, and because I knew I wasn’t as fun to be around as I used to be, because I simply wasn’t in the right state of mind.
- Financial and practical strain
Psychological illnesses could impair a person’s ability to function at work, leading to reduced income or job loss.
This can create financial stress, especially in households that rely on two incomes to survive.
Depression can make it hard to keep up with daily tasks like paying bills or caring for children, putting extra strain on the relationship.
- Impact on parenting
Parents going through mental problems may struggle to be emotionally present for their children, potentially influencing the child’s emotional development and sense of security.
In two-parent households, the non-depressed partner may feel overpowered by having to take on additional parenting responsibilities, which may cause stress and conflict.
- Trust and relationship doubts
Mood disorders often make individuals feel unworthy of love, causing them to doubt their partner’s feelings.
This insecurity can cause them to question their partner’s loyalty and create unnecessary conflict.
The fear of being abandoned is common among those with depression.
As a result, they might become overly clingy or push their partner away as a defense mechanism.
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- Friends feeling helpless
Psychological issues can lead to awkwardness or even avoidance since friends might feel unsure of how to aid a loved one.
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- Drifting apart
The depressed person may not have the necessary energy to maintain friendships.
This may cause relationships to drift apart over time because friends may interpret this as a lack of interest.
- Emotional unavailability
Mood illnesses may make someone emotionally detached, making it difficult for them to be fully present in a relationship.
This lack of engagement frequently leaves partners feeling lonely or unimportant.
A person with depression may put up barriers as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from further pain or because they don’t have the emotional energy to invest in the relationship.
This can leave the other person feeling shut out and disconnected.
- Changes in personality
Mental issues often strip people of the joy they once had in life.
If a previously cheerful or optimistic person becomes sad, withdrawn, or irritable, their loved ones may struggle to adjust to this change in personality and cause confusion or concern.
Depression often makes a person more unpredictable by causing fluctuations in mood and behavior.
That inconsistency may create anxiety and uncertainty for partners and family members by making them unsure of how to respond or what to expect.
I could be “fine” at one moment and be irritable and wanting to be left alone the next minute. Not that I wanted to, but I just was, and that’s extremely hard for others to deal with.
- Guilt and self-blame
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- Taking responsibility for the partner’s depression
Partners may feel guilty or blame themselves for their loved one’s struggles, wondering if they could have done something differently.
Unfortunately, this misplaced sense of responsibility can create frustration and like they’ve failed.
On the flip side, the person with depression might feel like they are a burden to their loved ones.
They may believe their condition is causing problems, possibly strengthening feelings of guilt and self-loathing, causing even further isolation.
- Reduced interest in shared activities
Couples and friends often bond over shared activities and hobbies.
Psychological difficulties can diminish a person’s interest in these activities, making it difficult to maintain those connections.
The partner who still wants to engage in these activities frequently feels disappointed or rejected when their loved one no longer shows interest, leading to growing tension or distance in the relationship.
- Hyper-sensitivity to criticism
Depression can heighten a person’s sensitivity to criticism.
To the point of even well-meaning advice or gentle feedback being perceived as harsh, leading to arguments or emotional withdrawal.
The non-depressed partner may avoid bringing up issues or concerns because they fear triggering a negative reaction, possibly allowing unresolved issues to pile up over time.
- Impact on long-term relationship decisions
Mental problems can cause a person to question the viability of long-term relationships, such as marriage or having children, by creating self-doubt and misery.
This can be confusing for partners who might be more optimistic about the future.
The person experiencing these emotional struggles may lack the required motivation or energy to move forward with significant life decisions, like moving in together or starting a family.
This might create frustration or disappointment for the partner who feels ready to take those steps.
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- Pulling away
Mood disorder often makes people separate themselves. However, this self-isolation can be misinterpreted by loved ones as a lack of interest or commitment.
Over time, this can create a detrimental pattern where both parties withdraw from each other.
Even though I’m fortunate enough to have kept most of my good friends and family, I certainly lost some people by isolating myself and pulling away from them.
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- Feedback loop of loneliness
The more a person withdraws, the lonelier they feel.
This can create a gradual weakening of the relationship since partners may struggle to break through this barrier.
- Avoidance of difficult conversations
People with psychological issues may avoid serious conversations about relationship problems because they feel too overwhelmed to handle them.
This can build resentment over time due to unresolved conflicts.
The depressed person might avoid deeper and more meaningful discussions because they only have the emotional bandwidth for shallow conversations.
Sadly, that can result in a relationship that feels increasingly superficial or unfulfilling.
- Difficulty accepting love and support
Going through mental struggles could distort self-worth, making a person feel unworthy of love or support.
Even when their partner shows genuine care, the depressed person may push them away or question their motives.
People with depression might interpret gestures of love or concern as pity rather than genuine affection, potentially leading to mistrust and further emotional distance.
- Impact on sexual intimacy
Depression and the medications used to treat it (like antidepressants) could influence libido by reducing sexual interest.
This can cause frustration or feelings of rejection for the partner.
A person with emotional problems may feel self-conscious or simply lack the energy for physical intimacy, which can create distance in romantic relationships.
- Emotional “contagion”
Mental illnesses in one partner can affect the other, leading to what psychologists call “emotional contagion.”
The non-depressed partner might begin to feel more anxious or even depressed over time due to the prolonged stress of supporting their loved one.
The emotional weight of one person’s depression can create a ripple effect and influence the entire family’s mental well-being.
That could lead to a tense or strained home environment.
How to support a loved one with depression
Here are some tips on how to support someone you love who is dealing with depression:
- Listen without judgment
Let them know you’re there to listen without trying to “fix” their problems.
- Encourage professional help
Gently suggest therapy or counseling while respecting their pace and decision.
- Offer practical support
Help with small tasks like cooking or running errands if they’re feeling overpowered.
- Take care of yourself, too
Supporting someone with a mental disorder can be draining. Make sure you’re also taking care of your own mental and emotional health.
- Be patient and understanding
Remember that depression is a serious mental health condition and not just “feeling sad.” It can take time to heal.
Ways to lessen the impact of depression on relationships
- Open communication
Encourage honest conversations about how each person is feeling.
This has helped many people avoid misunderstandings while raising a sense of mutual support.
Opening up to others certainly helped them understand my position and issues better, which improved our relationship by allowing them to deal with me more appropriately.
- Seek professional help together
Couples therapy can be useful for learning how to navigate the impact of depression on a relationship.
It can also help the non-depressed partner understand the condition better.
- Create small rituals of connection
Even if energy levels are low, small gestures like a daily check-in or even a simple hug can help maintain a sense of closeness.
- Encourage self-care for both partners
It’s essential for both the person with depression and their partner to take care of their mental health.
This might include exercise or even taking short breaks from caregiving responsibilities to recharge the batteries.
- Be patient and compassionate
Understanding that depression is a medical condition and not a choice already goes a long way toward reducing frustration and resentment.
Conclusion
Depression doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it, but everyone around them as well.
The key to maintaining healthy relationships while navigating mood issues is open communication, patience, and understanding.
Relationships can endure and even grow stronger through the challenges of depression with the much-needed support and empathy from loved ones.
Please consider joining our forum and Facebook if you enjoyed reading this and would like to chat with like-minded peers about anything depression related.
It would certainly go a long way toward making my dream of creating a thriving, supportive community a reality!
