Template to figure out whether you’re in the wrong crowd or not

Depression can make it harder to recognize when our environment is part of the problem.

That’s why a practical self-check framework you can revisit every few months (or whenever you feel uneasy about your relationships) makes sense.

Here’s how I would go about evaluating your circle:

  1. Quick emotional check-in
    • After being with them, how do I feel?
      • Energized, calm, supported → positive signs.
      • Drained, anxious, guilty, worthless → red flags.
    • During interactions, do I feel safe being myself?
      • If you’re masking or shrinking to avoid criticism, that’s a warning.
  1. Value alignment scan

    • Do they respect my boundaries? (Time, space, opinions, lifestyle).
    • Do they encourage my growth? (Health goals, therapy, hobbies, career).
    • Do they normalize harmful behaviors? (Substance abuse, self-sabotage, constant negativity).

If your core values keep clashing, the crowd might not be right for you.

  1. Reciprocity test
    • Is the support a two-way street?
      • Do they listen as much as they talk?
      • Do they show up when you need help, or is it always you who’s giving?
    • Are they genuinely happy with your small wins?
      • Or do they downplay, compete, or ignore them?
  1. Consistency vs. chaos
    • Supportive people = generally reliable, even if imperfect.
    • Wrong crowd = unpredictable moods, hot-and-cold treatment, gossip, backstabbing, or putting you down in subtle ways.
  1. Pattern reflection routine
    A person writing in a journal.

Try this weekly journaling prompt:

    • Who did I spend time with this week?
    • How did I feel before, during, and after?
    • What specific moments stood out (good or bad)?
    • Would I choose to repeat that interaction if I had the choice?

Positive (and negative) patterns will become obvious after a few weeks.

  1. The future test

Ask yourself: If I keep spending time with these people for the next 1–3 years, where will I be?

    • Do they push you toward healthier habits, meaningful goals, and stability?
    • Or would staying with them mean stagnation, self-sabotage, or regret?
  1. The authenticity gauge

    • Do you censor your feelings or personality around them out of fear of judgment?
    • Do you play a role (the “funny one,” the “helper,” the “quiet one”) rather than being yourself?
    • The right crowd makes space for your real self, not a performance.
  1. The energy investment check
    • Who initiates contact most of the time?
    • Do you always have to chase them, or is there a balance?
    • If you stopped reaching out, would the relationship continue?
  1. Feedback quality
    • When they give feedback, is it constructive and kind, or critical and belittling?
    • Do they celebrate your progress (even little steps in depression recovery) or dismiss it?

Healthy feedback builds while adverse feedback chips away.

  1. Alignment in crisis
    Two women talking to each other over a cup of coffee.

Look at how they respond when things go wrong:

    • Do they listen, offer help, or check in?
    • Or do they disappear, blame you, or make it about themselves?

The way people handle your lowest moments is often the clearest indicator of whether they’re truly your people.

  1. The “three columns” exercise

Take a piece of paper and divide it into:

    • People who uplift me.
    • People who drain me.
    • Neutral/mixed.

Keep updating this over time. Seeing it laid out visually makes patterns more obvious.

  1. Reality check with a trusted outsider
    A therapist writing on a note.

Sometimes depression skews perspective, so asking someone objective (a therapist, mentor, or a friend outside your usual circle): “Do you think these relationships are good for me?” can give clarity.

A few grounding reminders

  • Depression itself can distort perceptions (e.g., you may think no one cares when they actually do). That’s why writing things down over time helps filter mood from reality.
  • If most signs point toward the negative, it doesn’t always mean they’re bad people; sometimes it just means a wrong fit for your current needs.

✅ Relationship health checklist: Am I in the right crowd?
A checklist made with white chalk on a blackboard.

Use this checklist to reflect on the people in your life.

You don’t need to score it like a test; instead, try to notice the patterns that emerge.

  1. Emotional check
    • ☐ I usually feel calmer, lighter, or more supported after spending time with them.
    • ☐ I feel safe to be myself without pretending or hiding.
    • ☐ They don’t make me feel guilty, small, or “too much.”
  1. Boundaries and respect
    Two people shaking hands in agreement.
    • ☐ They respect my limits (time, space, choices).
    • ☐ They don’t pressure me into things that feel unhealthy or wrong for me.
    • ☐ They encourage my goals, even if they’re small steps.
  1. Balance and reciprocity
    • ☐ Support goes both ways, meaning I’m not always the one giving or chasing.
    • ☐ They listen to me as much as I listen to them.
    • ☐ They celebrate my progress and are genuinely happy for me.
  1. Consistency
    A group of friends in costume hugging.
    • ☐ Their behavior is steady, and I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
    • ☐ I can trust them to show up when they say they will.
    • ☐ They’re there in difficult times, not just when things are fun or easy.
  1. Growth and future fit
    • ☐ Being around them motivates me to make healthier choices.
    • ☐ I can see myself growing in a good direction if I stay close to them long-term.
    • ☐ They don’t drag me into cycles of drama, negativity, or self-sabotage.
  1. Reality check
    • ☐ If I stopped initiating, the relationship would still exist.
    • ☐ I can name at least one person outside this circle who thinks this relationship is good for me.
    • ☐ Writing their name in my “people who uplift me” column feels natural.

How to use this
Someone's hand marking both "yes" and "no" on a checklist.

  • If you tick most boxes, you’re likely surrounded by supportive people.
  • If many stay unchecked, it might be time to reflect, set boundaries, or reconsider who gets your valuable time and energy.
  • Remember that the wrong crowd doesn’t always mean bad people. Sometimes it just means they aren’t the right fit for your well-being right now.

Consider revisiting this checklist every month like a “relationship health check-up.” The patterns will become clearer over time.

Conclusion

Figuring out whether you’re surrounded by the right people can make a huge difference for your mental health.

Being in the wrong crowd often means constant comparison, lack of support, or even subtle pressure to ignore your own needs, all of which can add to or cause loneliness and depression.

On the other hand, being with people who respect and uplift you creates a sense of belonging and safety that helps protect against depressive thoughts.

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Please consider joining our forum and Facebook if you enjoyed reading this and would like to chat with like-minded peers about anything depression related.

It would certainly go a long way toward making my dream of creating a thriving, supportive community a reality!

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