Knowing what to say to someone who’s depressed can be difficult since you don’t want to say the wrong thing, but staying silent doesn’t help either.
The most important thing is showing that you care, that you’re present, and that you’re not there to “fix” them, but to support them.
While I did isolate myself a lot when I was struggling with mood issues, it was nice to know that people cared enough about me to ask how I was doing.
Research indicates that emotional validation and non-directive support (not trying to fix or advise right away) are linked to better mood outcomes in people experiencing depressive symptoms.
That’s why I compiled this list of what to say and not to say when someone is struggling with depression, based on both psychological research and therapeutic principles.
What you can say to someone who’s depressed
- “I’m here for you.”
Simple but powerful.
Depression often comes with intense negative feelings such as loneliness and isolation. Just knowing someone is there helps.
- “I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I want to.”
Avoid pretending you know what they’re going through unless you truly do.
This keeps the space safe and judgment-free.
- “You’re not a burden.”
Many people with depression feel like a burden to others.
Reassure them that their feelings matter and you’re not going to walk away.
This is one of my favorite sentences to hear because I regularly felt like a burden to my friends and family because I simply wasn’t as fun to be around as I used to be.
- “Would you like company or some space?”
This gives them autonomy while showing you care.
Depression can make even choosing feel exhausting, so offering a gentle option helps.
- “It’s okay to feel this way. You don’t have to pretend with me.”
Validating their emotions is better than trying to cheer them up right away.
Validation builds trust and emotional safety.
- “Have you been able to talk to someone about this?”
Softly encouraging professional help is good, but only when the person feels safe.
Timing matters since not everyone will be ready for therapy.
- “Do you want to do something small together?”
Depression kills motivation.
Suggesting a low-pressure activity (like a walk or watching something together) can help get things moving.
Even though I didn’t feel like it most of the time, it was nice to get out of the house and do something with my best friends occasionally.
- “Thank you for telling me this.”
Opening up takes courage, that’s particularly true when you feel hopeless or ashamed.
Try to acknowledge it.
- “You don’t need to explain everything right now, just know I’m here.”
Sometimes, depressed people don’t have the words.
Giving them permission to not perform or justify their pain can be a relief.
- “What you’re feeling makes sense, given what you’ve been through.”
This helps them connect their emotional state with context, which reduces shame.
It’s very helpful when their depression is trauma-related.
- “You don’t have to be strong for me.”
Many people hide their depression because they feel they need to “stay strong” or “not bring others down.”
This permits them to let go.
- “Even if you can’t believe in yourself right now, I’ll believe in you until you can.”
This phrasing builds hope without requiring them to generate it themselves, which is hard when you’re in a depressive episode.
At the end of the day, we all want someone to believe in us, and this can help to silence that harsh inner critic that often goes along with depression.
- “It’s okay if today is just about surviving.”
This validates their current energy level and normalizes non-productivity when struggling.
- “There’s more to your story than this chapter, even if you can’t see it yet.”
This frames depression as temporary, even when it might feel permanent, without invalidating the current experience.
- “Do you want me to check in tomorrow, or give you space?”
Respecting autonomy builds trust and reduces the guilt that many depressed people feel when they can’t respond right away.
- “I’ll keep checking in, even if you don’t always reply. No pressure.”
This sends the message that your care is consistent and not dependent on their ability to show up “normally.”
- “It’s okay if you don’t know how you feel right now.”
People with depression often feel emotionally blunted or overwhelmed.
This normalizes that emotional confusion.
- “You don’t owe anyone an explanation for feeling like this.”
This relieves the pressure to rationalize depression, which is often irrational and hard to explain.
- “You’re allowed to be exactly as you are right now.”
Permits to be, not perform, not improve, not impress.
To just exist and be accepted.
- “You don’t need to fix anything for me to care about you.”
Counters the belief that their value is tied to productivity, mood, or usefulness.
Avoid saying things like:
- “Just think positive.”
Toxic positivity can make them feel misunderstood.
Depression isn’t just about “bad thoughts.”
- “But you have so much to be grateful for.”
This invalidates their pain.
Gratitude can coexist with depression, but it doesn’t cure it.
I heard this multiple times, and even though there’s truth in that, it basically invalidates how you’re feeling by making it seem like everything in your life is going just fine.
- “Other people have it worse.”
Comparison is harmful and creates shame.
Pain is not a competition.
- “You just need to get out more/exercise/sleep better.”
While lifestyle changes help, suggesting them too soon can come off as minimizing.
- “Snap out of it/try harder.”
Depression isn’t laziness or weakness.
It’s a mental illness, and recovery isn’t linear.
What if someone talks about harming themselves?
If someone talks about suicidal thoughts, take it seriously.
Ask directly:
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
Asking doesn’t make it worse. Studies show it can reduce distress and risk.
Encourage them to reach out to a mental health professional, and if you’re really worried, don’t hesitate to involve crisis support.
Final notions
You don’t need perfect words. Just listening without judgment, showing up consistently, and reminding them they’re not alone is already a huge help.
Depression tries to convince people they’re worthless and unlovable. Being a steady, compassionate presence is the best antidote.
Join our forum and Facebook
Please consider joining our forum and Facebook if you enjoyed reading this and would like to chat with like-minded peers about anything depression related.
It would certainly go a long way toward making my dream of creating a thriving, supportive community a reality!